As a married man I hear the following words on a regular basis, "Mike, how many times have I told you to put the seat down after you pee? " because it’s the womans duty to say these famous words.
Bare in mind I don’t live with my mother anymore (sorry Mom), and I am 33 years old and because we have cats, putting the seat down is not good enough, the entire lid needs to be put down as well, just in case one of the cats decides to take a bath. hehehe!!!
Well yesterday (info: the hottest recorded day ever for the month of July), my lovely wife was just finishing up on the toilet, and did she follow her own advice about putting the lid down? —– NO!
And so our naughty kitten Whiskey decided he wanted some of the toilet action, and in a split second had jumped up and landed in the middle of the bowl (that had not being flushed). Ha Ha Ha!
So, of course, stinking of pee we had to bath him, and he was not a happy cat. We sprayed him with the hand shower and he was crying and growling and trying to get away. He looked pretty miserable when we got him out of the bath and onto the mat to dry off. You would think with a thick coat of fur like that, and being the hottest day ever, he would appreciate the water spray, but no way!
Anyway, it was very funny and hopefully it will be the last time I hear those famous words, because I’ll be quick to point out the culprit!
After that everyone went in turn to receive their certificates of naturalisation from the old geezer above and finally we had to sign a citizenship register. It was well worth the seven year wait.
Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and!!!!!
Only in Britain… can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
Only in Britain… do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Britain… do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.
Only in Britain… do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Britain… do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
Only in Britain… do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
Only in Britain… are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.
NOT TO MENTION…
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control Scalextric cars.
and finally………
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
We are proud to be British.
RULE BRITANNIA
