I was sent this really funny youtube video today and thought I would share it with you all.

Here is a good joke for South Africa in these trying times.

“A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped Jacob Zuma, Winnie Mandela, Julius Malema and Jackie Selebi. They’re asking for a R310 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.” The driver asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?” “About a litre.”

This Welsh guy calls up ASDA service team to complaint about a pizza he bought and when he opened the box he noticed the pizza had no topping on it…

Take a listen at the shortened version (this is a real call):

[audio:http://www.lookatbowen.com/wp-content/uploads/WelshPizza.mp3]

and here is the full length audio in a some what dumb video format.

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies ..

So, he said to his new wife, ‘Honey, I’ll be right back.’

‘Where are you going, honey bunch?’ asked the wife.

‘I’m going to the bar, pretty face.  I’m going to have a beer.’

The wife said, ‘You want a beer, my love?’

She went and opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland, Japan, India , etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, ‘Yes, lolly pop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses…’

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, ‘You want a frozen glass, puppy face?’

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, ‘Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long, I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?’

You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?’ She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

‘But my sweet honey… At the bar… You know…there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…’

‘You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren’t f***ing going anywhere!   Got it, A**hole?’

So he stayed home…………

…….and, they lived happily ever after.

Now, isn’t that a sweet story?

This is scary for anyone who travels frequently by plane!!!!

Actual crack in a US Airways DC-9 window frame!

Fliers beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on.

This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a DC-9.

I’ll definitely think twice before flying USAir.

Mike, you need new jeans and pants as yours don’t fit you well, Mike you need new shirts, Mike you need a new coats, new shoes, new socks, Mike your underpants have holes in them, Mike, I am embarressed to walk around with you looking like a slob, Mike YOU NEED A NEW LOOK!

Does that sound familar? I have heard those words hundreds of times since I married my lovely wife. Clearly she has not read the following or doesn’t understand men:

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such supreme creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress R5000. Tux rental-R100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is R12.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

So please send this post to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Ha Ha Ha!, this is funny. Apparently today was officially “Annoy the cat day”.

No, I did not attempt this on our cats, although if we had a cat flap, it would have been a way of getting back at them. If you have a cat you’ll know what I mean.

There is a wonderful story in the news today (many sources BBC, Metro, IOL etc) about a company in South Africa who used a pigeon to  carry a small memory card of data from one location to another while at the same time they tried sending the data over ADSL to the same location.

They wanted to show Telkom how slow their broadband connection was.

In total, it took two hours, six minutes and 57 seconds for Winston the pigeon to fly to Hillcrest and to upload the data from the card onto the call centre system.

By that time, the ADSL transmission of the same data size was around four percent complete.

What a clever pigeon – Not only did Winston fly there in record breaking time, he also uploaded the data onto the system.

Winston sets off to work for UPigeonS!

This story got me thinking why the mad scientists of the world are trying to clone sheep or grow ears on hands or silly stuff like that?

Instead why don’t they genetically enhance a racing pigeon and make it like a hawk or an eagle with excellent eye sight, a powerful body strong enough to fend off predators, bad weather and equally strong enough to carry a few carefully constructed waterproof boxes or satchels on it’s back or legs, which can hold memory cards, mini hard drives or small documents. It’s incredible to think that the pea size brain of a pigeon is intelligent enough to remember great distances and locations of departure and destionation, so the scientists would not have to make major changes in the brain department.

Once the super pigeon has been developed, train them up, and give them good strong names such as Winston, George, Sarkozy, Berlusconi, and Barack-Obama and then sell them to some small choice companies who are willing to compete with the likes of Royal Mail, TNT, Fedex, UPS and all the ISP’s of the world.

I am sure there are many people, companies, small developing countries around the world who have poor mail services and equally poor broadband services. Take the UK for example (since I live here), the Royal Mail are striking at the moment (yet again). Our ISP’s sell us broadband packages and promise us speeds of 8MB or more, yet one is very lucky to get more than 2MB. There are plenty of surveys to prove this statement.

Look out for the following global brand names in the future (Royal Pigeon, UPigeonS, FedPigeon, FastPigeon, Pipigeon, T-Pigeon, PigeonBolt). I can definitely see them taking off. (excuse the pun).

What an idea hey?

When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky…..

…..just go back inside, have another cup of coffee,  and stay home. It’s NOT going to be a good day.